In the past, there were more big differences between why men and women cheated and why women did not. Women cheat more because they don’t like their relationships, while men cheat more because they want to try new things.
But the difference in how often men and women cheat is getting smaller because men and women cheat for many of the same reasons.
AASECT-certified sex therapist and licensed counselor Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., says
“Just like men, women cheat for many different reasons.”
Some of these reasons are:
1. Sex.
Nelson says, “Women like good sex just as much as anyone else.” Women cheat when they find a man or woman who makes them feel good. She also says that it’s not true that men lie for sex and women lie for love.
Even though men are still more likely to cheat for sexual variety, a recent study in the Journal of Sex Research1 found that it is still one of the top three reasons women cheat.
2. They are unhappy with the way things are between them right now.
The same study says this. One of the most common reasons women cheat on their partners is that they have mentally broken up with them.
Even if she still loves her partner, a woman who is unhappy in her relationship may be more likely to cheat. They might think that cheating will give them something that their current relationship doesn’t. This could be because of anger, problems at home, money problems, family problems, and so on.
Nelson claims,
“Women cheat because their relationships with their husbands are getting worse.”
On the other hand, excitement can be a distraction and a temptation that is hard to say no to when things are stressful or boring at home.
3. when something goes wrong.
The study says that when something goes wrong, it’s just a situation like “not being able to think straight” or “being drunk.”
Everyone makes mistakes. “Sometimes, opportunities lead to affairs,” Nelson says. Women sometimes make hasty choices they later come to regret.
4. They want to be close to you, either physically or emotionally.
This is a need that every woman wants to be met. If a woman is unhappy in her relationship and meets someone who is that close, she will be attracted to them.
Some older research shows that women who cheat have a stronger emotional connection to the new person they’re with than men who cheat. This shows that romance may be a reason why women cheat.
5. They felt like the new person cared about them.
People sometimes cheat because the new person makes them feel like someone else or gives them a new feeling. Nelson says that women say that an affair lover makes them feel special, sexy, and loved, no matter what their spouse does at home.
6. low self-esteem
Margaret Paul, Ph.D., a psychologist, says
When you don’t feel good about yourself, you might want to find it somewhere else.
Paul says that a lack of self-love can lead to cheating. This may be especially true if the person’s current partner isn’t validating them.
People cheat when they don’t take care of themselves or their feelings, or when they don’t learn how to speak up for themselves in their current relationship. They need attention from others because they give up on themselves in many ways.
Cheating or having an affair might not be about getting attention from someone else as much as it is about not giving yourself enough attention.
7. They use it to dull or deal with painful feelings.
Cheating could also mean that they are unhappy with themselves or with their relationship. Paul compares cheating to using drugs or alcohol because both of these things can be used to avoid dealing with feelings instead of facing them head-on.
8. They want to break up or meet someone new.
Cheating seems like an easier way to end a relationship than just being honest about it, and sometimes people who want to end their relationship will do it.
Cheating can be caused by a desire to change a relationship, but most of the time, women cheat to get out of or stay in a marriage.
Men or women, who cheats more?
Research shows that men are more likely to cheat in relationships than women are. A study from 2016 found that 20% of men and 13% of women have cheated. Women between the ages of 18 and 29 were slightly more likely to cheat than men. But the difference between men and women is getting smaller as more men cheat and fewer women do.
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